As I have stated in my past posts, my romantic life is a large area of blandness. At 23, I spend my time at work, with my parents, with friends, or alone. Since I am the controller of myself, I am realizing that I am can not be a passive agent in my love life. My grandmother raised me very traditionally. Despite adhering to feminist ideals, deep down inside, my romantic views are traditional. I want to be courted properly. 

The Internet has completely changed the way we interact with each other. Our smart phones now have apps that help us “find love”. Initially, I was completely turned off to internet dating due to safety concerns. Outside of safety concerns, many of these soldiers of love on these dating sites are purely looking for sexual thrill. While I support people’s rights to do that, it’s not my cup of tea. 

A few months ago, I decided to stop worrying about what could go wrong, and give online dating a chance. I downloaded the Plenty Of Fish app and set up my profile. Yes, I did receive messages from sleaze balls. I came across many profiles of men saying that the were “anti-bbw”. Writing the about me section on any platform is difficult, but most difficult when you are advertising your singleness to attract and intrigue others. My heart truly wasn’t completely invested in my decision to try online dating because I really want to meet someone the regular way. Statistically people of color, regardless of orientation, have the most harsh experiences when it comes to online dating. As a dark skinned plussize woman, I didn’t even want to try dating online because I know that people would either fetiscize me or count me out altogether. 

After responding to a few guys, only one was normal. Our conversation was of quality. He wasn’t overbearing or overly sexual. We exchanged contact information and talked for nearly a month before meeting. 

A few Sunday’s ago, we were supposed to meet for the first time. Fall and Winter cold season is approaching. Due to being under the weather, we had to reschedule our rendezvous. This past Thursday, we were able to meet! 

I was extremely nervous. My first concerns were that he wasn’t going to be attracted to me. I’m upfront about my weight. Men still holler at me but I like to be upfront in case someone would be upset or felt that I was dishonest. Secondly, as a woman, I’m always kind of nervous when encountering strange men. Ya’ll, I was completely OUT of my comfort zone. First encounters are always awkward! Everyone is worried about being catfished! 

I grabbed soul food from a new black owned barbecue eatery in the Rivergate mall. If you all are ever in the mall, dine there. The staff is courteous and the food is great! 

The guy that I meet looked exactly like his pictures. He was extremely sweet! I couldn’t have asked for a better first meeting. I’m an awkward person sometimes. (Cute awkward, not awkward awkward!) We talked about so many things with the time frame of our meeting.   

I’d meet him again if he asks me to do so. 

He made me feel nice about myself. He kept saying that he couldn’t understand why I am single. He complimented my smile. We vibed. It was cool. He’s the nicest guy I’ve talked too. Typically, guys don’t treat me well. I’ve never meet a man that treated me properly. It’s nice to know that good men exist! 

Dress: Ross- 3x. Boots: Payless 

My outfit was simple. 

My makeup was simple. I wore this matte  deep red gloss from Milani Cosmestics. 

Excuse the crappy photos. Since it is darker when I get off of work, I’m having a hard time photographing what I wear. 

Bare with me please!

If you are thinking about dating online, be safe and be smart! Meet in a public area. Don’t give details about where you live. Tell your friends where you are meeting this person. You might want to have a friend meet you there and hide out in the background while you are meeting, just to ensure your safety. 

I don’t like online dating but this experience has changed my thoughts somewhat.  Still, I’d rather the love connection to be made naturally.  If this scenario doesn’t play out, I don’t see myself trying online dating again, simply because I prefer natural attraction. I’m trying not to limit my opportunities so I could change my mind especially since this experience is going well so far. 

Tell me your thoughts on online dating?

Would you do it? If you’ve done it, what were your experiences? How many successful encounters did you have? How many train wrecks did you suffer through? 

I can’t wait to hear from you all! 

Until next time

-Nora 

Shout out to my dad for taking my pictures! He doesn’t like to be in front of the camera. I had to steal these pics of him and he refused to pose.