Turtle Pecan Master Blast- My Lemonade

Happy Tuesday everyone! Hope you all are doing well. This day started off quite dreary but has turned into one of much beauty. The sun is shining. I’m in the best mood that I’ve been in, in a while. Sunday was supposed to be a nice, relaxing, chill- filled. Instead, I found myself in the middle of  Beyonce’s Lemonade visual album. Somewhere between ” who the fuck do you think I iz ?” and “I ain’t sorry”, Is where I found myself. I spent months trying to get outside of my fear of dating. I took a leap of faith, try online dating, and even spent time getting to know someone. While I made conscious efforts to be vulnerable and to be open to love, my efforts resulted in failure. My dating experience prior to this, is non-existent, yet my experiences with men, starting with my biological father, have been lackluster to say the least. Still, I looked forward to this opportunity with the utmost hope and sincerity. Learning to trust someone is a difficult process. I went into a movie date, with the intention of bonding more. I exited the date, questioning my judgement in men  as well as my ability to discern. Without divulging specific details about the situation, I will say that I have never felt more blindsided or disappointed. Normally, I don’t share pictures of who I am dating involved with on social media. Caution was thrown to the wind in that regard. Because I wanted to be sure about him, I wanted us to take things slowly. Yes, I was scared, but I was open. I should have noticed small things that did not quite add up or make sense to me. Often, we turn a blind eye to red flags when wearing rose colored glasses. Melanie Fiona summarized my feelings best in her song, Wrong Side Of A Love Song. “How did I become the wrong side of a love song?” ” How did I end up in a Mary J Blige, ‘not gon’ cry” situation?

Earlier that day, one of my girlfriend’s called me to spill about how terrible this guy did her. Here I sat, infuriated that he would mistreat her, a beautiful, intelligent, humorous, loving woman? Why would he play games? By the end of the day, I found myself asking similar questions about my own situation. The excuses being made for the poor decisions did not make sense. For a split second, I was hurt. I questioned my own beauty. I questioned what I had to offer, and thought that I possible wasn’t good enough to be loved. Then I realized that I’m the shit. I am smart, funny, loving, compassionate, and beautiful. Outside of wanting to hop on him, I really was proud of myself for how I handle the fiasco. I drove him home, wished him the best in all of his endeavors and left. As our conversation winded down, I realized my own worth. Someone that isn’t worthy of you, won’t appreciate you. This scenario, while mostly his fault, was mine. My desire to be with someone clouded my judgement. Being with someone was more important that being with someone who legitimately cared for me. After reviewing my past romantic errors, o noticed that I tend to go for guys that show me attention. I disregard the fact that I am not interested or probably wouldn’t have entertained advances if I was not tired of being single. Do not missunderstand my sentiments! I rarely exchange my number with men. I’m not in relationships left and right. I just don’t go after the guys that I’m actually interested in or attracted to. Honestly, Matthew is the first guy that I have talked to this seriously. His insecurities won’t prevent me from dating again, yet I have serious reservations for the time being. 

From the fiasco, many thoughts and questions developed in my mind regarding relationships. How do you properly define the relationship? As someone who has limited romantic experience, what should I expect? What are acceptable flaws or short comings? What are deal breakers? How do I know when to forgive in hopes of salvaging an otherwise solid relationship? Can I make lemonade out of lemons? How do couples last 20 plus years together? Throughout my 23 years on this earth, I have heard from men and women alike, that men can not be faithful. As a child, I recall my granny mentioning that women would “call” the house at odd hours for my grandpa. Did she ignore the activity to maintain her home? Supposedly,  Men can not be monogamous. Earlier, in my stages of childhood naivety, I would have argued the opposite. Now I’m asking, Are humans truly able to be monogamous? Both men and women cheat, but men are not willing to forgive and forget if women do it. The stigmatization of men who cheat is minimal. How many couples deal with infidelity? How many thrive after infidelity? How do you make sweet lemonade from the sour, bitterness of sucking on lemons. This is my first time enduring a significant relationship problem. Will all of my relationships be this way? Should I expect my partner to be insecure? To be unfaithful!
This experience is a lesson learned for me. I pray that God blesses me with a man that is loving, faithful, and dedicated to maintained the sanctity of the relationship. I was hesitant to define this relationship because I take that seriously. I do not want to be romantically attached to someone that makes me look foolish. Constantly begging someone to show interest after a while becomes laborious. Note, I’m not bashing this man. He taught me that I should value myself more. He helped me in many ways and I appreciate the lessons that I learned from him. It was that lesson that made me realize that his presence was only for a moment in my life. Some people enter your life to teach you lessons, to help you grow in some capacity. From this, I have learned to trust my gut. Also, I recognize my unique beauty. No one is me. Someone can be prettier, smarter, wealthier or more experienced but that person doesn’t have my talents or gifts. For some time now, I have romantically attached myself to men that I felt deserved me based on how I viewed myself. I deserve more. I should expect more, require more. Potential is simply that. Talking is simply talk. Action is where it’s at. 
Settling for guys that show interest simply because I don’t think I’ll get attention elsewhere has to stop! I can not continue this habit. 
My friend began her process of healing with a cheesecake, Oreo blast. Mine began with the turtle pecan blast from Sonic. 
My value and self worth are not dependent upon a man, or anyone else. 
Also, what one man throws away, another will cherish. Same for women. One shut door may be a set up for tons of open doors.
I am taking a break from dating but I do not hate men because of this incident. Maybe I’m meant to be single forever. That is ok if I am! 
Here’s what I wore for the movie date: 


It’s a size 3x, and was $13.99 at Ross. 

If you have to ask someone, “who do you think I am” then that person shouldn’t be in your life. A person that values you, knows what you offer, and what tvey stand to lose without you, Protect you. Don’t be so easy to give you away to people who won’t care for you properly. 

This lesson goes for all relationships, friendships and romance alike. 
Have you dealt with infidelity or lying in your relationships? How did you handle the problems? 
Until next time, 

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My name is Nora. I am a 30 year old Nashville native. By day, I am a #corporaterebel in the Talent Acquisition and Human Resources Industry, In my spare time, I am a plus-size blogger, Youtuber, and social media influencer. On my platform, I discuss beauty, fashion, faith, lifestyle, and everything that I encounter and experience as a young black woman who is building her empire. In my free time, you can catch me playing Sims, binging Netflix and Hulu, enjoying a bottle of sweet wine, enjoying #foodie life, getting my beauty rest, or out styling and profiling.

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