Hello March! We are quickly rolling through 2021! 2020 set the foundation for many of the changes that I made in 2021. If the title lured you in, I am here to tell you about a big life change that I made. In prior posts, you have heard me talk about being in a dry place emotionally, spiritually, and mentally and being overcome with depression. You have heard me discuss how powerless and worthless I felt in the corporate space and in life in general. Between caretaking for my mom, moving her into my space, and working at a constantly short staffed non-profit where I was underpaid, overworked and undervalued, I was DROWNING. I had given up my privacy, being able to be selfish and only focus on my needs, and peace and ownership of my time. School was another failure for me. I couldn’t juggle my mom, work and a demanding grad school program, so I had to drop out of school. Honestly, I contemplated committing suicide. My breaking point was staring me in the face. I was tired of everyone around me using me and not replenishing me. I was tired of working more than 40 hours weekly and being pay check to pay check. I was tired of my bank account being in overdraft. I grew tired of battling everyone else’s demons. Tired of saving everyone and not having anyone to save me. My time was so consumed with what everyone else needed from me that I couldn’t focus on what I had interest in. My social media business was suffering. My content suffered. I was tired of being in dead routines, dead cycles, and fruitless seasons. The level of black woman tired that I was enduring was insane. I absolutely could not continue to live my life the way that I was.
Something had to break. Something had to change. Boundaries had to be set. No had to be uttered boldly. I had to take control. Through prayer, faith, and a bit of sick and tiredness, I quit my corporate job. I quit with no savings, no safety net, and no backup. My mind was made up. I was not going to take sh** from anyone else. Not recognizing my value, lack of confidence, and dedication to the validation from people pleasing left me in spaces where people exploited me. I was ready to die than to go another day allowing a job, parent, man, or situation to use me. It was that deep. Prior to quitting, I told God that I was willing to let go of my job if it was taking the attention that he deserved.
At the center of this decision was my need to find my way back, my desire to get back to basics, and my faith that God would carry me if I had faith and trust him. Many questioned my decision. Why quit a job in the middle of a pandemic when so many are unemployed? Faith….. My dignity. My dignity and my mental health were worth more than any check a job could give or any psuedo-safety that employment provided. Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice. I lost sight of my dreams. I lost confidence in my value, in my worth. Fear and insecurity kept me at tables that never sought to serve me or grow me. The hunger that I had was gone. I knew that I had to let go to rebuild. I needed to let go to center myself. I needed quiet so that I could hear God. I was worth more than the mess that I was resting in and the bull that I had settled for.
Corporate life does not satisfy my tastebuds. I have made peace with the decision. Realistically, while I work on my short term goals, I’ll have to work a few contract jobs or maybe another full-time corporate job until I finish my real estate course, pass the exam and while I am building my social media presence. Longterm, I want to spend more time building my church and building community. I want to empower others to find their voices, to live confidently, and to build their glam lives. I want to open a glam boutique and have a empowerment course. Now I am aware of my power. I have a game plan. I have goals. I’m not afraid to say no to jobs that don’t meet my needs. I’m not afraid to tell people no. I recognize my leadership call, and also recognize that I can’t lead and serve if I’m bound by people pleasing.
The peace that I have experienced the last month and a half has been amazing. In a season where many would have been ridden with worry. I was able to laugh. I got much needed rest. We had food. Our lights stayed on. I paid rent. I kept gas in my car. My car insurance and renters insurance was paid. We had heat. We were clothed. I did not loose my mind or my life. God met my needs. I am in no way telling you to do what I did. I am encouraging you to find your way back. Find your voice. Find your boldness. Find your joy. Find your faith. Rediscover what makes you happy, what feeds your soul. Stop settling. Stop being a doormat. Speak up for yourself. Advocate for yourself. Do not be afraid to say no, or to leave tables that do not serve you. Victory lies in your discomfort. Victory lies in the break of routine. Progress lies in your faith. My goal of building my glam life is at the center of everything that I do, right after God. God made me to live a life of abundance and joy. I have to trust that he will order my steps and guide my feet. I have to be willing to let go, say no, and walk away from opportunities and situations that will not lead me to my goal destination. If you ever get lost, lost in other people’s need of you and desires for your life, remember that you can always find your way back. Pivot, stop, change lanes, go back to school, step out on faith, do what doest make sense to others…. just don’t give up.
“Find your way back
Big, big world, but you got it, baby
Find your way back
Don’t let this life drive you crazy
Find your way back”
I’m dropping tips on how to stay afloat while unemployed. Be sure to follow me on all of my media so that you don’t miss my tips!
Have you ever quit a job without a backup plan? What happened as result of that decision? Comment below!
Until next time,